Relearning Life
by hypa angel
Summary: Warning: betrayal, femslash, innerbashing. Usagi has been in a coma for 3 months, when she wakes the outers have to bring back the girl they all love- some more than others. Depressedsuicidal!Usagi. Usagi/Taru/Sets
1. Prologue

And I've started yet another fic which I do have intentions of finishing…eventually…. Along with the three others I have floating around on here-heh.

Ok, so this will be a betrayal fic- if you don't like them just click back, I'm not telling you to read this so if I get flames I will simply laugh it off and delete the comment. Secondly, this will be a femslash, so again don't like please go back to the page you just came from.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.

Prologue

It had been three months since they had last seen her. Three long months where they had not laid eyes on the girl who had once meant their very existence- until they had turned their backs on her and tossed her into the gutter like a piece of rubbish. They had told her they did not care any more, had made her feel worthless and so tiny- and they hadn't cared in the least. So when it happened, the group had no idea about it until they had asked after her- only to find out she had gone.

No one really knew what had happened- her parents simply could not explain it. Their daughter had always been a happy and bright child, her smile lighting up the house with next to no trouble. She had always argued with her younger brother but they all knew she was fiercely possessive over him; she would never let him down and had always been there for him when he had needed her. She wasn't the best of students but they loved her for all of their nagging, and she was so aware of it. They were truly blessed so when this happened…well, they had simply been at a loss. Their precious daughter had slowly started to lose interest in life and had slowly cut herself off from the world.

The few friends she had left had tried to bring her out of her shell but none of them succeeded, not one of them could bring back the girl they all loved and it pained them to see her slowly cut herself off from everything. When they found out from her parents they had felt horror and anger- anger at the ones who had caused this and horror that someone so pure had become so defeated.

The light beeping was really the only sound coming from behind the door. God how Haruka loathed that damn beeping! Pushing the door open, she walked inside and made her way to the prone figure on the bed, sitting down in one the uncomfortable orange plastic chairs that had been pulled up next to the bed, shuffling slightly to try and find a comfy way of sitting. Taking the girl's hand, she brought it to her lips and lightly pressed her lips to the slightly cold fingers.

"Oh Usagi," She murmured as she brushed the golden blonde hair from the girl's face, "Why didn't you tell us it had gotten so bad?" Her eyes looked at the peaceful face, taking in the slightly gaunt features and the slightly black eyes before moving down her body- finally resting on her arms where pristine white bandages covered the skin from wrist to elbow. "Why didn't we know that you would do this? We were supposed to protect you dammit!" She tried to bite back the growl of frustration.

The outer senshi had had no idea that the inners had turned their backs on Usagi. Had had no idea that Usagi had completely broken down- they all knew that she held her friends so close to her heart that anything they did like this ruined her, broke her soul and made her feel like she was simply nothing to them. What had hurt the girl the most however, was finding out that her boyfriend had been dating behind her back- he was expecting his first child with a girl he had met in America.

Haruka's thoughts were broken as the door to the hospital room opened. Looking up she gave a small smile at the three other women who entered, before they too moved to take up position next to their princess.

They had been coming every day since Usagi had first been rushed here. After the betrayal they had all noticed the change in the girl who had brought them together- who had given them real meaning in the world away from their mission. When they had returned to Japan they had returned to a broken girl who had started to change. At first it was missing a meal every now and then, but it had slowly started to get more serious. Usagi had started to skip as many meals as possible, trying to starve herself- that had been the first time she had been brought to the hospital. They had thought she had recovered from it- she had started to eat again but what they had not known was that she had found another way to make herself hurt. It was when a hysterical mother was on the phone to Setsuna did they realise how bad it was. Usagi had been rushed to hospital after she had tried to take her life by cutting her wrists. She had lived, but only just and now….now she was still asleep. Three months and there was no change.

"She'll wake up right?" They looked at Hotaru who was lightly running her fingers over Usagi's soft skin. They all knew that the youngest of their group loved the girl more than she should do, but they would never tell her to stop- that it was inappropriate. The truth was…they all loved her more than they should do, but they weren't going to stop for anyone. They had been stopped once before by the queen, but now they had a chance to show their princess what she meant to them and they weren't going to let anyone stand in their way.

"Course she will," Haruka gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "You'll see, she'll wake up and look at us with that smile of hers and say 'Why are you here? You should all be looking after yourselves.' That's what she will say and then we'll tell her about what we have planned for her- for our princess." Hotaru gave her papa a smile before leaning down to brush a kiss against the girl's brow.

"Wake up soon," She whispered before she slipped from her chair and made her way out of the room- away from the white walls, the smells and from that constant beeping that reminded all of them that the girl was only alive because of a damn human machine! Hotaru fought to keep the tears at bay as she slumped against the corridor wall. Her princess had always been a fighter but when it came down to it, she had been a human girl afraid of being alone in the world. Hotaru swore to herself and to Usagi that she would show her what she meant to them. She jumped as a hand touched her shoulder and looking up she saw the other three behind her.

"Lets go, her parents will be here soon." Michiru led the way away from the room that held the girl that had captured all of their hearts.

As they left, a single thought floated through their minds at the same time- such a powerful thought it broke through the haze of her mind. _'I love you'_ came the single thought of four separate people- although each had a different level of love for the girl.

Thin fingers twitched slightly on top of the cover before stilling. As a nurse popped her head around the door, she gave a small yelp of surprise. Staring at her were dull orbs of blue.

Usagi was awake.

_End_

Well….that was short but it was the prologue so hopefully the chapters will be a little longer when I update. Let me know what you think- love it? Hate it? Let me know! Press that little review button and I'll give out cookies!


	2. Chapter 1

Okay, second chapter is here and pretty quickly to! Hope you all enjoy the chapter and please leave reviews- reviews gives me another reason to want to finish my fics!

Disclaimer- I don't own Sailor Moon.

Chapter one

The nurse who had found the girl awake held back her small gasp as she stepped into the room towards the bed. She had to make sure the girl was alright before she went to get the doctor so he could give her a full check up, and then she would need to tell the girl's parents who were due any moment now.

"Miss Tsukino?" She asked softly as she stepped up to the bed, "My name is Nurse Miako but you can call me Mi if you want?" The girl simply looked at her without blinking and Mi had to hold back a small shudder at the blankness of those eyes- they looked dead. "I'll just get your doctor and then when your family arrive we can tell them the good news!" She gave what she hoped was a cheerful smile before she all but fled the room from the emotionless gaze.

Usagi watched as the nurse left before her eyes moved to look around the room. She was in the hospital again? A frown came over her lips as she tried to remember how she had gotten here. Her frown deepened as she struggled to find the memory. How long had she been here for? And why could she not remember how she had come to be here?

As she shifted she noticed the bandages on her arms and slowly raised her left arm to inspect it more closely. Oh. Now she remembered why she was here, remembered what she had tried to do to herself- so why was she still alive?

She wiped the frown from her lips trying to give herself a passive look. She didn't want to think about anything anymore- that's why she had tried to leave in the first place but even that hadn't gone to plan. Why couldn't she do anything right? Although her face stayed blank, her mind was screaming in anger and pain- she wanted to die! She wanted to just leave the world so everyone could just move on away from her and her mistakes. Once she was gone everyone would be so much happier!

The inners wouldn't need to feel the need to 'protect' her and the outers wouldn't need to stay in Japan- they could all move on away from her and live like normal people, have normal lives away from everything she represented.

Moving her right arm, she lightly ran her fingers over the bandages. She was not sure how long she had been here but surely the wounds would have healed by now? Surprised at how tiring just holding her arm up was she allowed the appendages to drop back down to the bed with two soft thumps as they hit the crisp sheets. She figured the only reason they were bandaged was to hide the scars that had been left- no doubt trying to make it seem like they weren't there. She mentally snorted. She knew perfectly well that the marks were there and she knew that her parents had probably been the reason for the cover up, as if they thought she wouldn't notice!

She loved her parents, she really did and she loved her little brother, but she knew that they would try to deny that this had happened, try to move on from it just like the last time she had been here when she had tried to stop herself eating. They had brought her here to talk to one of the doctors and whilst the woman had been patient and kind, Usagi had really disliked the woman. How could she claim to _understand_? She knew nothing about Usagi! She knew nothing about her past, her present or even the future she was supposed to have had! No one had known! No one but those who had made her like… like….this!

Oh she knew the outers had had nothing to do with this betrayal. She knew that they had known nothing about their plans to kick her out, to try and take her life source away from her- for without the crystal she would die…actually….that was an idea, she stored that away for later- and she knew she couldn't blame them for how this had turned out, but she couldn't help but be angry at them. She wanted to be angry at them, wanted to scream and cry and accuse them of not caring, of not being able to know that this would happen even though she knew full well that Setsuna couldn't possibly see every single outcome of her life, at least, not without breaking every rule Usagi knew had been in place ever since time had even began.

Her self abusive train of thoughts were broken as the door was opened once again, this time admitting a man with slightly greying hair. She knew this man having met him once before. She said nothing as she trained her blank gaze on him. He didn't flinch like the woman had; instead he smiled at her kindly and moved to her side, clipboard in hand.

"Ah Usagi, it's been a while since we last really saw each other hasn't it?" She didn't frown but she couldn't help but wonder how long she had been asleep for. He soon answered her unspoken question. "You've been asleep for three months you know?" He was trying to make conversation but knew it was pointless- Usagi was never one to talk unless she felt the real need for it.

Dr Johnson was British but he had lived in Japan for most of his life, and had even married into a Japanese family- although Usagi knew for a fact that he was a bisexual as he had told her in one of their little meetings. Usagi liked the doctor- he was kind and he never tried to push her into talking unless she didn't want to, which to be honest was very rare these days. He had been the one to bring up the idea of a councillor and although she had agreed at first it had soon became apparent that the woman couldn't help the girl.

He sighed as he looked down into those blank blue eyes and shook his head slightly. Eighteen years old and she had already given up on life. Sometimes he wondered about why she was like this, and had even tried breaching the subject with her but it had always ended up with the same reaction- she had simply just stopped talking, withdrawing into herself as if it would help her to pretend there was nothing out there that could help her anymore. If he didn't know any better he would say that she was simply scared of being alive, as if the thought that anyone could truly and utterly want her to live was unbearable.

Usagi had long given up hope that anyone really wanted her around. Oh sure, her family loved her but they would want her to leave eventually- her parents wouldn't want her to stay at home forever and she was hardly going to impose on them for the rest of her life. The inners had made it perfectly clear that the only reason they had tolerated her was because she had been the only one who could bring down the enemy and after Chaos they had simply turned around and demanded she give up her birthright, to leave them and never come back. Mamoru had lied to her. He had been the _real _cause of all this. Sure she couldn't handle her 'friends' turning on her, but he had been the one to truly break her. She had thought that he really loved her but he simply told her he had stayed with her in order to help her get stronger, to protect a past that should have stayed where it was- in the past. He had turned around and told her that he had been seeing a girl in America, that he was expecting his first child. Usagi wanted so much to hate her but she couldn't bring herself to do so. What right had she got to hate someone who had made him happy? She didn't and so she had simply started to hate herself.

Dr Johnson finished his check up and pulled back from the bed, "Your family is here, I'll go and tell them they can see you but only for a while," He understood how much she didn't want to see anyone right now. The fact she had caused them so much pain for the last few months was obvious- even if she refused to show it so obviously. She allowed herself to give him only the smallest of smiles before she blanked herself off again. "I'll check up on you again after and then perhaps some rest? Tomorrow we can start on getting your strength back up- I'm sure you don't want to stay here any longer than you need to." With another smile, he turned and left the room, leaving the girl in her thoughts once again.

Usagi cursed herself mentally. She had so hoped she would die this time! If she had died her family would have grieved for her and then they would have moved on eventually, instead she had left them in hell for three months! She had caused them so much worry and grief and the guilt was killing her. She had never wanted to put them through this! She clenched her teeth together in a successful attempt to stop the tears from falling. She wouldn't allow herself to cry- and especially not when her parents were about to walk into the room.

Once again the door opened, but this time there was no cautious nurse or concerned doctor- this time it was an emotional mother, father and brother who all but ran to her bed, crowding her and enclosing her.

"Oh Usagi!" Her mother was all but gripping her left hand in a tight and sweaty grip as if she were terrified of letting go, "Why didn't you try and let us help?" She sobbed as she brought the hand to her face.

At least the two males were handling it better, although her daddy was obviously trying hard to keep the tears at bay, trying hard to be strong for his family. Shingo was just the same, although he couldn't stop the tear from rolling down his cheek.

Her brother had been terrified the day it had happened. He had been at school and in class when he had been called out by one of the secretaries. He had soon been led to where his father was sitting in the car and they had left the school with no words said. He hadn't known what had happened until they had arrived and he had seen his mother's clothes bloodied and rumpled, her cheeks streaked with tears. He had at first thought she had been the one to be in trouble but the sensible part of his brain had told him that if she had been hurt she would hardly be sitting in the waiting room like this. And then he had found out. Dr Johnson had come up to them and had calmly explained that his sister was away from danger but it had been touch and go. Shingo had simply sat and stared at the man as if he had told them that his sister was some alien from the moon or something. Before he hadn't known what was wrong but suddenly he was being told that she had tried to kill herself? What on earth had happened to her?

It had been at that moment that the other girls had arrived. Apparently his mother had called Setsuna- it being the first name she really recognised in her hysterical state- after calling the ambulance. His mother had told the woman and she had passed on the message to the other three who lived with her, before calling up Umino and Naru- the only two who had stayed with Usagi since forever.

It had been a tense few weeks at first but eventually they had been reassured that the girl would wake up- but no one knew that it would be as long as this. Of course her family had come every day after school and work, and her friends had come whenever they had been able to. Shingo knew that the girls had had to turn down so much work these last few months and he only hoped his sister would understand that and realise just how much she was loved.

He wanted her back. He wanted the sister who had bugged him, but cared for him back. He missed her so much and he had to choke back the tears. He was startled when she shakily raised an arm so she could wipe the tears from his face before her eyes slowly drifted closed.

Ikuko was beside herself as she clutched at the hand in her own. When she had found Usagi in her bedroom, her wrists slashed to ribbons she had simply turned off and began to move as if she were being directed by someone. She had called and ambulance and had followed the instructions given to her by the operator before she had rang off. It had been when she had been listening to the ring tone waiting for her husband's work to answer that she had come crashing back down to reality. It had taken a good few moments for the women to understand what Ikuko had wanted and it had been Kenji who was horrified to hear his hysterical wife on the phone. He had rung off with the promise of meeting her at the hospital.

It had felt like an age before the ambulance had arrived and she had simply grabbed whatever was handy- house keys, mobile phone and some money just in case- before she was helped into the back of the vehicle.

As Usagi had been rushed into A & E, she realised she had picked up her daughters phone and not her own. As if she had been prodded to, she had slowly started to scroll through the phone menu trying to find a name her hazy mind recognised. Having done so she had talked to the woman her daughter had once seemed so close to before she rang off- just in time for her son and husband to join her.

As they were told the news, she had sagged in relief- her daughter was safe, she was fine and she would live. Ikuko had never been told anything so wonderful in all of her long years. Of course, when Usagi didn't wake up, that fear had settled back into her heart and over the weeks she slowly began to get obsessive. She made sure Usagi's room was left as it had been- of course she had cleaned the blood away- she had wanted to make it so _it _hadn't happened. They all knew that the bandages on the girl's arms were for the mother's benefit- to keep her denial in check.

Now her baby was awake and everything could go back to how it had been. She would make sure that Usagi would get better. She would make sure that nothing ever happened to her again, even if that meant she had to lock her away from the world to protect her.

No one was going to hurt her precious child ever again.

Kenji had been as distressed as his family, but he had always been the one to keep a cool head in any situation and so this had been no different. As soon as he had made sure his wife was as fine as possible in the circumstance he had taken leave from work and had collected his son from school. He had been the one to keep everything in check these last few months, making sure the household continued to function and making sure his daughter got the best care possibly available.

Kenji was worried about his wife. She had simply fallen into denial not wanting to think that their once seemingly perfect daughter (apart from a few flaws like being late and grades anyway) had done this to herself. Kenji didn't understand why she had wanted to die but he blamed himself for not recognising the signs- she had shown them that there was something wrong hadn't she? She had come here before with her eating disorder, she had cut herself from the world and had locked herself away in her room for days at a time, coming down for food whenever she knew there was no one around to talk to her. He was worried Ikuko would try and lock their little girl away from the world, to try and make her safe when in reality he knew that it would only make things work.

As Usagi had drifted off to sleep, he had pried his wife away and had ushered his family out, giving a nod to the doctor as he went back into the room to check up on his patient. Dr Johnson was a good man, and Kenji knew he would do everything he could for his daughter and he was grateful for it. He wanted his little bunny back and he would pay through the nose if he had to, but first, he knew his little girl needed people around her again- he knew she needed to know she was loved ever so much and she couldn't just have her family do that.

So, leaving his wife and son for a brief moment, he made his way to the pay phone and put the correct change in before dialling the number he had gotten to know so well.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end sounded strained, and he knew that feeling so well these days. Sleep was not something that had come easily the last three months.

"Miss Meiou?" He didn't need to ask really, he knew her voice quite well these days, just as she knew his without really needing to think on it. He also knew that the woman was another person who had been beating herself up over his daughter- everyone was blaming themselves for what had happened, and not a single one of them blamed her for it.

"Yes?" Setsuna knew who he was, "Tsukino-san?" She allowed the tiniest sliver of hope to come into her voice.

"She woke up," He could practically _see_ the look of shock and hope on her face, "Dr Johnson says you can see her tomorrow since she's resting." That and visiting hours had finished and it was starting to get dark now.

"We'll come tomorrow," She breathed down the phone, "Good night Tsukino-san…and…thank you for letting me know."

The phone went dead and he hung up shaking his head slightly. He had the strangest feeling that woman had already known something had happened but hadn't allowed herself to really hope for it. He also had the feeling that she cared for his daughter more than she let on, and, although he wasn't particularly happy about it he figured it was better than his little girl dating some boy. Moving back to his family he ushered them out of the building and took them home- they all needed a good nights sleep and tomorrow they could come and find out when she could come home where she belonged.

Setsuna stared at the phone in silence for a few seconds before she turned on her heel and all but ran to the sitting room where the others were. They looked up at her and it was Michiru who broke the silence, "Who was it?"

Taking a breath, Setsuna allowed a smile to pass over her lips, "Tsukino-san," She said softly as she looked at them. She watched as Hotaru's head snapped up completely to look in her eyes, hope shining in the purple orbs. "She woke up." She breathed.

Silence.

With a cry of happiness, Hotaru launched herself at the older woman and wrapped her arms around her- fighting the urge to blush at the same time- and hugged her tightly.

"She's awake!" It broke the silence and soon there were four women happily hugging and crying- although they would deny it utterly later if asked. Finally they could help the girl who had brought so much happiness in their lives.

Usagi would be loved, no matter what the cost and they would make sure she got better as long as they had breath in their bodies.

_End_

Wow, that's the longest chapter I've ever written I think, and the most emotional as well- as least as far as I am concerned. Please review if you read this, I would love to hear feedback about my writing and I really do welcome any constructive criticisms.


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I don't own anything

Chapter two

Usagi's family had left her alone once again and she allowed herself to relax, savouring the silence of the room before she was swamped in visitors and nurses checking up on her again. She did not doubt that everyone was being informed that she was awake and she had the feeling that tomorrow would be one of those days. She closed her eyes at the thought and wished that she could be left alone- she really didn't need people crying over her like her mother.

Her relaxation was broken as Dr Johnson entered the room once again, this time without that clipboard of his- Usagi was convinced he took the thing home to his wife after he finished for the day.

"Well," He seated himself down on one of the chairs and crossed his legs and folded his arms looking at her. She stared blankly back at him, allowing herself to fall into the old habits of simply staring at him- she wondered if he would back away first like always. She gave an inward satisfied smirk as he blinked before he gave a glare. "You always do that." He chided before he gave a small smile, "I suppose we can say its one step towards recovery?" He always said that to and she allowed the inward smirk to show on her lips for only a brief moment.

"How do you feel?" Ah, there was the question she knew he had wanted to ask ever since he had stepped into the room.

She gave a small shrug and turned her gaze away from him so that she could look out of the window. It was raining- perfect weather if you asked her because no one could see your tears in the rain… a pity she could not go outside, being stuck in bed was not fun. She snorted at the thought- at one time she had wanted nothing more than to stay in bed for as long as she could so she did not have to go to school. These days she wanted to stay in her room away from the world, but now, now she simply wanted to run away, to stretch her legs and get away from everything.

"Well, your fascination with rain hasn't died," He had followed her gaze to the window, "I think if its still like this tomorrow I can see about sneaking you out for a bit- but that's only if you eat your supper, and that's all of it Usagi, not the measly little bites you used to take," She glared at him as she looked at him, "That is not going to work. You know as well as I do that I want you to get better so I can see the girl I've heard so much about. I want you to get better so you do not have to stay here any longer than you need to. So, do we have a deal? You eat your supper; I will let you out for a bit tomorrow?" The best way to help her recover was to bribe her with something she really wanted or wanted to do- it had worked before and he hoped that it would work again now.

She thought about it for a while, weighing the options in her mind thinking it over. She really, really wanted to go outside and sit in the rain although she figured she would not get very far after not walking for a month- she was already getting pins and needles in her legs- and eating supper was a small price to pay in comparison, although the thought of food almost put her right off the whole idea. With a frown she slowly nodded, agreeing to the terms.

"Wonderful," He stood and straightened out his coat before he made his way to the door, "I'll make sure the nurse stays with you to make sure you keep your part of the deal Usagi- and I will see you in the morning for your outing." She frowned at his back as he left once again but was otherwise grateful he had not tried to get her to promise to other things.

Her peace was broken once again by the nurse who brought her food- and Usagi was pleased to note that it was not the same nurse from earlier. The nurse did stay with her and so Usagi was forced to eat every bite, her nose wrinkling as she did so. She felt slightly nauseous but otherwise managed to keep everything down- a feat she was rather pleased about and wished the Doctor was here to see it although she didn't doubt he would be informed about it when the nurse left her again.

As Usagi was finally left alone, she settled back into the bed and looked back outside to the still pouring rain with longing. As the first rolls of thunder could be heard she flinched slightly and closed her eyes, her fingers gripping the sheets slightly. She tried to block the sounds of thunder from her mind but failed as a small whimper escaped her. She still hated thunder storms and suddenly found herself wishing for someone to come and hold her as she sank beneath the sheets, her body shaking.

She slowly fell asleep, but it was no peaceful sleep she had drifted into. The thunder haunted her dreams as it was turned into the sounds of drum rolls, the lightening turning into flashes of light and darkness. She dreamt of the fall of the Lunar Kingdom, of the fight against Chaos and of the betrayal of her 'friends'.

A nurse poked her head around the door and frowned at the whimpering form of the girl who had been a resident here for some time. She dared not wake her in fear of doing something she was not supposed to- so she carried on her rounds, deciding she would report it, figuring it was the better thing to do than do something that could impair on the girl's recovery- there had been very strict instructions from her doctor and the nurse was not about to go against them.

Usagi awoke the next day feeling as though she had run a marathon. Her breath was slightly ragged, her body damp with sweat and her limbs feeling heavy. As she blinked away the sleep in her eyes she looked around her, momentarily disorientated trying to work out where she was before it suddenly hit her. She groaned as she shifted herself up into a slight sitting position- not quite managing it as cramp settled in again. She was getting fed up with not being able to move and decided that when she tried to kill herself next time she would make sure that she did actually die that time- she did not want a repeat of the last few days thank you very much. She blamed the fates- they just loved to make things difficult for her, and as the door opened she cursed them again at the sight of the wheelchair.

"Are you ready for your outing?" Dr Johnson grinned at her as she simply glared at him. "Let's get you ready then eh?" Walking to the bed, he went about unhooking her to all of the machines that made sure nothing happened to her- although they both knew she could hardly do anything in the middle of the hospital. Once he had done this, he helped her into the wheelchair where she sat with a grimace. "Those cramps will vanish once we get you used to moving about a bit." He told her cheerily as he pushed her out of the room and towards the bathroom where a nurse met them with an arm full of clothing and other bits and pieces.

Usagi was pushed into the bathroom, hands folded limply in her lap, a frown still on her lips. As they entered however, a small flash of emotion passed into her eyes- she had never been so glad to see a shower in her life!

With no hint of embarrassment, she allowed the nurse to help her out of the dreadful white gown and step into the open shower and onto the stool before she began to have a nice wash down, her long hair being done by the woman so she wouldn't have to worry about lifting her arms up.

"You certainly have a lot here," The woman commented as she gently massaged the girl's scalp. Usagi only gave the smallest of nods before she lifted one hand to brush her head slightly- perhaps she would have some taken off… it would make a nice change anyway and it would cut time off of washing it.

A few minutes later Usagi was pushed back out, now dressed in a pair of jeans and a simple black jumper than hung rather loosely on her still too thin figure but she didn't care since she had no one to impress anyway. She looked accusingly at the male still standing there, causing him to chuckle softly as he took the chair from the nurse, thanking her for her help before he began to head for the exit.

"Now don't you blame me, I thought you would enjoy getting clean and out of that gown!" He pushed her through the doors to the lift and pressed for the ground floor, "And anyway, I believe you have plenty of visitors coming today- including the four girls who keep coming everyday."

What four girls? Usagi panicked slightly as she thought over it. Surely he did not mean the inner Senshi? Goddess she hoped not! She didn't want them seeing her like this and she wanted to keep away from them anyway! But no…she reasoned with herself. They were hardly going to come here after telling her that they did not care about her as a person. No…it wasn't them, so the outers? Perhaps.

As the lift binged signalling the end of the ride, he waited for the doors to open before making their way to the doors that led to the gardens that were there for the patients, although it was empty now due to the rain.

They were both soaked through in a matter of moments as they stepped outside and Dr Johnson pushed her quickly to the veranda where he stood dripping next to her. He looked down surprised as he heard the small giggle coming from her.

Usagi couldn't help herself. He looked so funny standing there looking like a drowned rat that she couldn't help the small giggle that escaped her for a moment. As he looked down, she looked up and smiled- the first true smile that had graced her lips in so long and the Doctor gave himself a mental pat on the back for giving her a reason to smile.

"I hope your happy now," He said as he crossed his arms trying his best to look strict, "I'm all wet!" She only shook her head and turned her eyes back out to the gardens which were looking pretty dismal in the rain. He had the feeling that she liked it looking like it did- where nothing looked happy, just sad.

As Usagi continued to stare out into the murkiness, her eyes caught a movement and her mind, moving faster than intended, began to think of a thousand different reasons for that one movement. Was it a youma? Another patient? A doctor or perhaps one of the nurses looking for Dr Johnson? She mentally shook her head, trying to tell herself that she had nothing to worry about- if worst came to worst she could still transform. She stopped that thought dead in its tracks. She couldn't transform even if she wanted to. She didn't have her broach for a start and she was with the doctor and she didn't want him finding out about her other identity- talk about a major giveaway! She gave herself a mental slap before she was pulled away from her thoughts by a sudden cry.

"Usagi!" Before she knew it, a purple and black blur had appeared from the rain and attacked her. "Oh you're awake! You're awake!" She suddenly recognised the blur as Hotaru as she buried her head into Usagi's neck.

"You shouldn't go doing that!" Came another voice and as Usagi looked up, her eyes met those of Michiru's who then looked at Hotaru with horror. The youngest girl pulled back looking rather sheepish.

"Sorry," Came the girl's whisper but Usagi shook her head, it wasn't her fault. If she had been the girl she would have done the same thing- well she supposed she would at least.

Dr Johnson smiled and shook his head at their antics, "It seems your guests are early so I think I'll leave you with them but only for a bit longer. I don't want you catching a cold- I'll collect you when its time to come back in." He bowed himself out and left them all alone.

The girls were soon joined by Haruka and Setsuna who both moved to hug the girl who flinched ever so slightly at all of the people trying to touch her at once and they quickly pulled back, not wanting to give her any reason to pull away from them even more.

"I'm so glad you're awake," Hotaru breathed out once more as she stared at her crush. She blushed slightly when she realised she was staring and averted her eyes quickly causing Usagi to give her a questioning look.

"We all are." Setsuna stated softly as she sat down on one of the benches so she could look into Usagi's eyes, a small smile on her face, "You don't know how much I wanted to hurt the fates for stopping me from seeing this." She said softly and Usagi blinked in shock- Setsuna…hadn't known it had happened? But…she always knew! To know that the woman did not know some things was rather strange and Usagi wondered if perhaps the whole of the universe was going mad- it would certainly explain a lot anyway.

"How do you feel?" Haruka sat down and looked at her Koneko-chan, eyes shining with guilt and concern. Usagi merely gave a small shrug as she looked at them. She could be better she supposed, or she could have been dead… she figured that she was as good as she was going to be considering she had been out for three months- really, what a stupid thing to ask someone! Haruka seemed to realise that and gave a sheepish grin, "Stupid question huh?" She asked and again received the same shrug and frowned- she missed her Koneko…where was the girl who could brighten up the room with a single smile?

They were all wondering it but they were all prepared to put as much time and effort into bringing her back as they possibly could. They wanted their princess back. Their Usagi. Their light of hope. And two of them wanted the girl they had fallen in love with back and hopefully in their arms.

Hotaru lightly fingered the bandages that were just showing and frowned.

"Why do you still have these?" She asked innocently- she may look 18 but she was still unsure as to why some things happened and why some things did now. She certainly did not understand why this girl had to suffer like this!

Usagi looked down at the bandages and then back up to the girl.

"Because my mother is in denial,"

They all looked at her in surprise- they had not expected her to suddenly say anything! Perhaps this was the start to her recovery? If they could get her to talk to them more she would open up and perhaps get better? They could hold onto that hope.

Haruka was about to say something when a nurse came back running over to them, soaked through due to the rain.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but I'm afraid Miss Tsukino needs to get back inside before she gets a chill, and she has a few check ups she needs to attend. You're all quite welcome to come back again in about an hour?" They nodded and stood.

Both Setsuna and Hotaru pressed a light kiss against their Princess' forehead before they all turned to go.

"We'll drop by later Usagi," Michiru spoke softly- she had been rather quiet for the visit. She had been hurt terribly when they had found out what had happened. She had blamed herself for not knowing something would happen, but she knew that no one could have predicted such a thing- Usagi, a suicidal? It was unthinkable! But it had happened and now they had to live with that and they would help her get through it. They had to.

Usagi simply raised her hand in a slight wave as she was pushed away.

Well, she thought, this week is going to be interesting…

_End_

Please leave a review! Don't bother giving me bad reviews, but constructive critcism is always welcome.


	4. Chapter 3

Well...what with work, the net going on me and moving out of my parents house I simply haven't had the time to update anything so hopefully this should make up for that- at least I'm hoping so.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter Three

When the nurse had said a 'few' tests, Usagi had assumed as most people would, that she would be seeing her doctor about her eating disorder and getting her back on her feet again, but she was surprised to see another doctor greet them at the doors. Where was Dr Johnson? She narrowed her eyes slightly at the woman, instantly taking a dislike to her- she didn't care that she had never seen this person before or the fact that she didn't actually have any valid reason for disliking her but she simply felt the need to do so. She wasn't going to dwell on it, she couldn't be bothered to at the moment.

"Here we go Dr Valentine, Miss Tsukino for you." The nurse gave them both a smile before leaving the wheelchair-bound girl with the woman.

"Miss Tsukino...or can I call you Usagi?" The cold stare she received answered her question, "Well, as you wish. Now Dr Johnson has been called away so I'll be taking your sessions for the time being- at least, the counselling sessions." She walked around to the back of the chair and began to slowly push the girl further into the hell that was called a hospital. "Lets just get you into my office and we'll have a little chat."

Chat. Yeah. Sure. Usagi frowned, staring ahead of her but making sure she paid attention to where they were going. She knew most of the one side of the hospital off by heart thanks to all those sessions she had had with her favourite doctor but this part she simply hadn't a clue and she really, really didn't like that fact. She wanted to know where she was just in case she had to get out- not that she could move at the moment but the information would always be valuable to her because who knows what could happen in the future? Besides, the physical injuries would heal soon enough- even faster if she happened to transform into her other self, not that she had any desire to do so, that would simply alert everyone that she was alive and back. That, she decided, was something she most certainly did not want. And so she allowed the woman to push her deeper into the hospital with its depressing white walls and whispering people.

With a start, she noticed that she was being pushed into a room, and she looked about her in confusion. Surely she had just been thinking that she would make sure she was keeping a good eye on where she was? When had they turned into this corridor for this room? She bit her lip ever so slightly as she shook her head mentally. She was going mad, that had to be the answer.

"Now then," Dr Valentine wheeled the girl in front of her desk before she moved behind it, sitting down on the rather uncomfortable looking chair that squeaked ever so slightly as she did so- Usagi amused herself with the thought that the woman was slightly overweight...not that the woman was but she liked to think it. "Lets get started shall we?" She picked up a rather thick folder and opened it, giving Usagi a glimpse of some pictures that were on the top of the pile. She almost recoiled.

"You seem to have quite the history with this hospital, I don't think I've seen anyone have so many injuries as you seem to have had in the last four or five years...now I must ask, with this many broken bones and bruises, do you have any problems at home with your family? Perhaps your father is a bit heavy handed when it comes to discipline, or perhaps your mother...?"

Usagi saw red. How dare this woman, this _human_, accuse her family of harming her in any way? At least, any physical way? She had no right and Usagi was not going to stand for it.

"How dare you." Her voice was still quiet and still unused to being used all of a sudden after such a long period of time. "My parents would never dream of doing something like that. If you had read my file you would already know that Dr Johnson has been through this with me." Her voice was icy, not holding back the hate she was feeling for the woman in front of her. Her fingers clenched the arms of her chair slightly.

"Well, we got a reaction out of you. I was under the impression that you were like Fort Knox- I'm glad to see that that rumour is a fake." Dr Valentine gave a smile, like it was amusing watching this girl bristle so much over such a comment. "Perhaps we can get you to tell us how you have such injuries? Who knows maybe you will turn into quite the case study." So that was it. Usagi hated the woman even more. She had no desire to suddenly become the subject of everyone's attention as a study.

As the doctor continued to ask such rude and intrusive questions, Usagi simply sat there staring coldly ahead, not letting the words get to her. She couldn't allow herself to let the words get through- such hateful questions, as if suddenly her family was the cause of everything, as if everything had been caused by her truest friends. She wanted so badly to scream from the rooftops that as the suited soldier Sailor Moon she was bound to get injuries. Was it her fault that it carried over to her civilian form? Was it her fault that for some reason people she had thought to be friends turned on her and told her that she was no longer needed to be their leader, their princess? She mentally slapped herself again as she realised the woman was getting to her. She almost cried as the nurse from earlier came in and announced that Dr Johnson wanted to see his patient before she could go eat.

Thankfully, the nurse was the one to take the girl back to her room. Usagi bowed her head ever so slightly so that her bangs could hide her eyes as they went through the hospital to where her room was situated. She wanted to hide the fact that her eyes were glistening ever so slightly with tears. Oh, how she wanted to hurt that woman but even she could not begin to wish hurt on her. She hated fighting, hated wnating people to get hurt, even if perhaps they deserved it. Maybe that was why she was sitting here today? She was too soft hearted, always wanting to believe that every person had some good in their hearts- she really had to stop believing that and allowing herself to hate so much that it blackened her heart even more. But she simply could not do it.

Looking up, she blinked, startled to look into the eyes of Setsuna.

"What?" She asked confused completely as she looked up to the nurse who had moved to the side of her.

"Dr Johnson will be along shortly, but he has allowed your friend here to visit for a little longer whilst you wait for him." She gave the two a smile before she left the two alone, closing the two behind her as she left.

Usagi looked at the older woman before she allowed her eyes to wander over her and then to the other side of the room to where the window was. Setsuna gave a small shiver as she watched those eyes go over her body. She wanted so much to have those eyes full of life again instead of the cold, dead orbs that had stared at her. Looking to the window, she moved to the chair and moved the girl over before lifting her easily and putting her onto the bed. She was so _light_. A new wave of guilt washed over the older woman as she stared at the girl she loved so much- the girl both she and Hotaru loved with all of their heart, body and soul.

"Its not your fault," Usagi commented softly as she seemed to notice the guilt wash over Setsuna. "Its not your fault you were prevented from knowing, its not anyone's fault really. I blame only myself."

"But you can't do that!" Setsuna dropped next to her on the bed. "Thinking that is why your hear Usagi, please...why won't you let us share your pain? Your our princess but above all your our most dearest friend and we want to be there for you...please, let us help you carry the burden?" Setsuna wasn't one to plead but she wanted so much to help her.

"There isn't anything for you to carry Sets," The woman almost seemed to brighten at the nickname, "I decided a long time ago that I'm not the girl everyone wanted me to be and thats just something I have to deal with. I _want _to die."

Before the woman could say anything, Dr Johnson came storming into the room, his face black as thunder and the two of them jumped slightly as the door slammed shut again.

"That woman is the worst doctor this hospital...no...this country has and will ever know!" Usagi just looked at him as if he had grown another head whilst Setsuna simply sat there, completely unfased by the sudden outburst. "You!" He pointed at the shocked Usagi, "Are never to see that Valentine woman again! Her conduct with patients is completely unaccaptable."

"What did she do?" Whilst on the outside Setsuna was the picture of cool, on the inside she was hopelessly confused.

"She asked incredibly rude and personal questions of my patient that had a nurse passing by had not overheard would have gotten away with. That woman ought to be struck off! What did she say to you?" He demanded.

Usagi looked at him before she had to look away. She wanted to look anywhere but the two of them, their eyes staring into hers, bringing back those questions that had hurt almost more than the jibes and taunts she had lived with for most of her life. "She accused my parents of being violent, when she knows perfectly well they didn't do anything...she also mentioned a paper she was writing..." She almost flinched at his growl.

"Please calm down," Setsuna stood up and looked down at Usagi, "I'm sure between us this doctor woman will no longer be seeing you. She is obviously a very rude and insensitive person who has no right to go about accusing people of such things." She bent down slightly and dropped a light kiss on the girl's forhead, before brushing her bangs out of the still eyes. "I'll come see you tomorrow, Hotaru wantes to come and see you as well." She gave a nod to the doctor and slipped from the room, silently planning her revenge on the woman who had probably set her love's progress back.

Dr Johnson sighed and dropped into the chair. "I apologise, i should not have gotten like I did but that woman is the bane of my life here, every time I have a patient that I work hard to help, she comes along and tries to ruin everything- sometimes successfully. I simply don't want her to ruin your chances of getting better, because I'm still waiting for you to give me a brilliant and true smile." He glared at the girl, who looked back at him, "And don't think I've forgotten what I've heard from your family and friends about the girl you really are underneath all of this. I will see her if its the last thing I do."

Usagi was slightly stunned. She had always thought she would never meet anyone again who truely wanted her to recover and become the happy go lucky girl she had once been such a long time ago. She considered it for a moment before she gave a small, almost true smile.

"I'll see what I can do doctor." She didn't promise but the fact she had said it meant all the difference to him. She was willing to try and get over what was bothering her. Perhaps she would open up and let him into her life, to help her get better and perhaps she would also let her friends see the girl they missed.

"That woman Setsuna?" He looked at her to make sure he got the name right, "And the other one, Hotaru?" She nodded, confused but not showing it. "They seem to care about you slightly more than the others, may I ask why?"

She didn't answer. She didn't know the answer to that question. How could she know? She had always assumed that even the outers would leave her alone, even though they had obviously torn that idea of hers up and thrown it out of the window.

He gathered he wasn't going to get an answer so tried a different tact. "How do you feel about them?" He pried gently, wanting more than anything to get a real, true answer from her.

Usagi looked back out of the window, watching a drop of rain slide down the windowpane. How did she feel about them?

"I don't know."

_End_

Ok, so hopefully that will please all of those who left reviews wanting an update. I hope you enjoyed it and please leave a review!


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"Its raining again.." Usagi looked out of the window from her kneeled position on the bed a small frown gracing her lips. She had been so looking forward to going outside again but she had been told that there was no way she could go out in the rain again- her doctor was worried she might catch something and he had enough problems with getting her to eat and talk as it was. Moving, she shifted so her legs were over the edge of the bed and looked over to the bedside cabinet and pulled a scrunchie off the top of it- reaching up and tieing her hair back into a simple ponytail just to keep it out of her face while she waited for her next appoinment. Her recovery was going incredibly well according to Dr Johnson, so much so he had jokingly asked if she were an alien in disguise. Oh how close he was to the truth, not that she was ever going to say anything to him about that particular part of her life. As far as she was concerned she was no longer that person and if the healing abilities had transferred over then it just meant she could get out of the place much faster than she had originally hoped- anywhere away from here and that Valentine woman was good.

A knock at the door startled her and she looked up to see her father standing there with a large pink teddy bear in his arms along with a balloon or two.

"These are from your mother," He popped the bear down at the end of the bed and put the weighted balloons onto one of the hard plastic orange chairs. Once his arms were free he gave her a brief hug, unsure on how she would take the physical contact but he needn't have worried, she returned the hug if only a slight squeexe of her arms before she had let go. He gave her a brilliant smile and sat down next to her. "Dr Johnson says you can come home honey- your mother is so excited she says your room is just as you left it (if somewhat cleaner) and she'll make your favourite dinner as well." Well...that almost sounded good apart from the fact that her room was currently pink and she had decided she was going to have a bit of a change in the favourite colour department and as for the food, whilst it was a nice offer from her mother she really doubted she would even bring it to her lips. The only reason she was eating at the moment was because she wasn't allowed out if she didn't eat several mouthfulls of the vile stuff they called food.

Sensing that he was waiting for an answer she nodded once, "That sounds good." It was a tiny lie really. It did sound good, it just wasn't going to turn out that way if she had her way about things. There was also the feeling in the back of her mind that her mother was going to be the one to change drastically when she returned back to the house. From what she had seen already, Usagi already knew her mother was in denial about the whole thing. She would rather pretend that her daughter hadn't tried to kill herself instead of living with the guilt that she hadn't been able to stop her from being like that. Usagi could never blame her family really- they had done their best and had done everything in their power to try and help it....it was just a pity that she couldn't be helped and she couldn't be saved from the darkness that had seeped into her heart over everything. The only friends she seemed to have at the moment were the people who had always been by her side. She was glad for Molly, she really was. She was a good friend and she really hadn't deserved to be treated the way she had- she made a mental note to get the girl something as soon as she was free from this awful white building with its disinfectant smell and glaring lights. And of course there were the outers. Especially Hotaru and Setsuna. The pair of them tried to come every day and for some reason just seeing them put a small smile on her lips for a moment or two and it brightened her day. She seemed to look forward to those moments than any other when it came to her visitors.

Her mind went back to that conversation with the doctor. 'How do you feel about them?'

She didn't know. She had always thought of them as friends and nothing more until she had learnt of her other 'friends' real thoughts of her and she had simply assumed everyone else thought the same of her and she had simply shut down. Everything she had done, everything she had sacrificed was for the people around her- the people she had loved more than anything else in the universe- and they had simply turned on her and shut her out and left her to die. Of course now she knew that the outers had never been a part of that and that they wanted to kill the inners for their part in this but Usagi had forbidden it as soon as she had been able to. She didn't want another Senshi war to break out, especially over her.

"Usagi?" Her father brought her out of her thoughts with a jolt "Are you alright?" He was looking down at her arms and following his eyes she was surprised to see herself digging into the one arm with her nails. She couldn't draw blood because of the bandages but now that she realised she was doing it the slight stinging pain hit her senses. Letting go she nodded and looked away. Now she was starting to lose track of the things going around her. Even in her worst times before this she had never been that ignorant of what was happening. Of course things changed and perhaps she was going insane. Not that she could blame herself if she did- she was surprised it hadn't happened already, afterall it had happened to other Senshi in other worlds (not that she was meant to know that of course).

"I'm alright....just thinking." She murmered as she played with her hair, her eyes back on the bandages wrapped to her elbows. If she had had her way she would have had them removed but at the suggestion her mother had taken a sharp intake of breath and had looked at her husband with wide, alarmed eyes. Usagi had decided then to keep them on, if only to help save her mother's sanity and to keep up the pretence that everything was fine- although in her opinion keeping the bandages only drew attention to the whole matter. She made a vow to get them off her skin as soon as she was able to- even if it meant she had to go and live somewhere else away from her family.

"Anythinh interesting?"

"Not really, I was thinking that some ice cream with my special dinner would be nice." She could practically feel the happiness radiate from the man at her words and she suddenly knew she was going to regret ever saying those words to him. She guessed that he would be on the phone to her mother as soon as he had found out when she was being released and her mother would be down the supermarket faster than you could say 'moon'. Not that she wanted to disappoint them any more than she aleady had but it was just the thought of having to eat and pretend to be normal all for a lie. Oh, she was turning so bitter in her old age. She really needed to stop thinking about herself in this and let her mother have the lie if she wanted it- if only to keep her happy for the short time before Usagi was able to get about unsupervised and she could have another go at it.

"Your mother will be glad to hear that, and so will your brother. We miss you sweety we want you to come home as soon as possible so we can be a family again." He pressed a kiss against her forhead at his words. Of course they missed her. She was his daughter and he loved her so very much and although he always seemed to be overprotective was because he couldn't bear the thought of a man hurting his precious princess. Of course he had never counted on her friends being the one to do this to her- he had always thought them to be lovely girls who had loved Usagi at one point. But things had changed and they had abandoned her. He had watched his little girl fall apart at the seams and watched her slowly die in front of him. It wasn't right for a parent to go through that. If her attempt had succeeded he would have had to bury his baby and the very thought sent shivers through him. Oh how he wanted to do something about this but he found himself powerless. He didn't know what to do about this and so he simply tried to stay cheerful for her, to show her that she was missed and loved more than anything else in the world. He would protect her from this even if it meant living the lie his wife had wound about herself. He was suddenly glad of the few friends the girl did have- they had been here for everything since they had found out about the attempt and they hadn't left her side. They were the true friends even if they looked older than his daughter (not counting that nice and polite Hotaru girl). However there was something about them that also set him on edge but he couldn't put his finger on it. He supposed it would all come out at some point- he just hoped that it was for the good and that it would not ruin what he had left of his family.

"I really ought to get going though- I only wanted to pop in to see how you were and to drop these off for you." He stood and brushed himself down out of habit even though there was nothing on his trousers. "I'll come and visit with your brother tomorrow alright?" He pressed another kiss on her head and then made his way out of the room.

Although she loved her dad very much she was glad that he had gone to that she was left to her thoughts once more. She didn't doubt for one moment that she had long left to herself until the next person came along. She always seemed to have someone coming in to check on her or visit her nearly every hour and it was starting to grate on her a little bit. Didn't anyone understand the meaning of peace and quiet? With a sigh she threw herself back onto the bed and looked up at the plain white ceiling. She could at least these few minutes to sort out some of the thoughts in her head. She had so many at the moment she wasn't sure where she was heading anymore.

Right. First thing first she had to think about what Dr Johnson had said about her feelings. He was always trying to get her to open up to him and if she wasn't going to do it to him she might as well try and open up to herself. The problem with that was she had to admit certain things that she really didn't want to admit to. There were things floating in her mind that were wrong, things that she should never admit to not even to herself even though she was well aware of what she had done and what she was more than likely to do in the future. Afterall she was the only person in the universe who actually knew her heart and min completely (even though others did try to get in there to see for themselves- nosy sods).

How did she feel about Hotaru and Setsuna? Apart from the obvious? They were loyal friends and loyal soldiers. They had already proved time and time again that they would die for her even if it meant being damned for using their forbidden abilities. She bit her lip as she remembered all of those times, the way they had simply smiled at her in serenity as if it was nothing that they were sacrificing everything just for. She supposed she ought to have noticed it before- she had seen the way Haruka and Michiru were with each, the love that radiated off them whenever they were together and the loniless that came off them when they were apart. Usagi wasn't blind, she knew that those two were made for one another- they would always be together through every life they would ever live and Usagi was somewhat jealous of that. She had thought she had had that at one point but it had turned into nothing more than a massive lie that had caused her to lose the innocence that had once shone in her eyes and soul. But coming back to the other two....she had seen the way that they had looked at one another hoping that no one would notice the sly glances, that small touch of the hand that was by 'accident'. Usagi could see all of that but for some reason she had blocked that knowledge when it came to herself. All those times they had jumped in front of her, all of those small smiles that only she ever seemed to receive and the fact that only those two seemed to live in the hospital along with her. How could she have been so blind to such obviousness? She really was a ditz wasn't she? She hadn't even bothered to care about what anyone else had thought about her suicide. She had simply gone headfirst into it like she went to everything else.

"I'm an idiot," She sighed as she closed her eyes. She really did need to open her eyes didn't she? Perhaps some of what the others had said was true. She was an idiot, unworthy of being a Senshi and completely unworthy of ever being loved- especially by two people as special as these.

"And why is that?" Her eyes flew open to see none other than Valentine standing above her, a twisted sort of smile on her lips, "Are we having a breakthrough of this icy exterior I wonder?"

"What are you doing in here?" She tried to sit up but suddenly found herself unable to. "What?" She tried to twist her body but she was held down fast.

"I wouldn't bother trying to break free. I'm rather good at holding magic and I think this is a perfect time to introduce myself don't you think?" The copper haired woman gave a cruel open mouthed smile and her form shifted and Usagi bit her lip to stop herself from screaming aloud. "Its been a while little princess and to think that I could kill you now!" A lowered hand carressed the girl's face who tried desperatly to get her face away from the touch but only succeeding in scratching her face on the long sharp nails. "However, I think it would be much more interesting in killing everyone else first and making you watch. I think that would be very fitting for you to see everyone die and know that it was your fault." She leaned down and softly whispered the last part into her ear before pulling away, her form shifting back into that of Valentine. "I'll be seeing you princess."

As soon as she had left her room, Usagi found herself free and she scooted back until her back hit the headboard. Her eyes wide in terror she looked at the door half expecting the woman to come back in again and change her promise. A small whimper came from her lips as she curled up into as tight a ball as possible. Why hadn't she died the first time? Why was the universe punishing her like this? Why? She bit her lip so hard that the coppery tang of blood touched her tastebuds but she didn't more or stop biting.

"Usagi?" The shocked voice of Setsuna startled her and she looked up with wide, scared eyes at the two who had taken up her thoughts for most of the day. Setsuna closed the door behind her and Hotaru and moved quickly to the side of the bed, sitting down and pulling the obviously terrified girl into her arms, Hotaru soon had her arms wrapped around the two of them and they held the girl between them- although they both wished it were in different circumstances.

"Whats wrong?" Hotaru whispered as she tried to look at Usagi's face, "Usagi-chan?"

"Its her....she came back...." Came the slightly broken whisper of the girl. This young woman had faced so many evils and had even faced their worst enemy with only the smallest of flinches but she had never backed down but this unknown woman had terrified her into a trembling mess. They had never seen her like this before.

"Who?"

Usagi looked at Setsuna, her eyes betraying her as she tried to force the words out.

"Beryl....." It was barely even a whisper and they had had to strain to hear it but hear it they did and they suddenly understood why she was so terrified. Beryl was the one who had destroyed Serenity and had made her into this girl who now was being held between two of the more powerful senshi- but even then they too were afraid. Afraid what it would mean for the girl they loved.

Her eyes closed as she tried to desperatly lock away how she was feeling but she couldn't get those words out of her head. Why wouldn't they go away? Was it some kind of magic? Perhaps it was magicked into her head so that she couldn't forget, not that she ever had. It was the one thing that woul always haunt her no matter how many lives she would live through.

**'Because it is always your fault they die'**

_End Chapter_

Well, please leave a review and let me know what you think about this turn of events


	6. Chapter 5

Well, what can I say? I'm so sorry this took so long to get out! There have been a million things going on at home, mainly being made redundant just before Christmas so I've been spending all my time fixing that but I'm still sorry it just took an age to get out! I'm not sure if I am completely happy with it but at the same time I'm glad I got it out (eventually). There isn't much mention of the girl's in this chapter and they won't be making an appearance until next time but I wanted to add a little something about her arrival back home and there is a slight bit at the end I wanted to include as well. As always I hope you enjoy it and I hope you leave a review!

Chapter Five

It had been a few days since the Beryl incident and Usagi was finally being discharged from the hospital (since her breakdown had led into a few more tests and 'talks'). Even though she had felt at peace when she had been asleep, she now felt the fear creeping back into her very heart and soul. She was skittish- even more so than when she had woken up- and she had been so plagued by nightmares that she had woken screaming so loudly the nurse on duty had almost had a fright herself. And as much as she hated to admit it the incident had shaken her more than she would care to admit and she hoped that no one else would realise it when she was finally allowed to leave this hellish place.

She turned her head to look down at the small bag that was on the bed next to her and sighed. She had been here for such a long time and yet she had barely anything with her. It was somewhat disconcerting...she had always thought that she would have all these cards and soft toys and balloons and yet here she was with only a half dead bunch of flowers and her own bag ready to leave. Well, that was enough to prove her theory right- there really was no one who cared for her- and she couldn't count the Outers because they had never really been there when she had needed them the most, and they had never really liked to get involved in the lives of the inner senshi....until now of course, when they had come back to Japan to discover their light of hope half dead in the hospital. She shivered at the thought of what they could have done- she doubted there would have even been an inner circle left if it had not been for the fact that she would have hated them for it.

Yes, they had forced her to become like this. Yes, they had not once come to visit her, and yet she could not bring herself to hate the Inners for what they had done. Perhaps her heart was too good for something like that- she didn't really think she was capable of hating anyone else anymore; she had used whatever was left on herself. She was too pure a person to hate someone else and had instead turned that hatred inwards towards herself. She hated the way she had been before this. Hated the fact she couldn't hate them for what had been said about her. Everything was true and she couldn't argue with them. She just wished that there had been a way to avoid all of this- if she had died on the day she had planned to then she would be avoiding all of this regret and intense guilt that racked her being every moment of the day. But if she had died who would have warned the senshi of the impending thread of Beryl? She might hate herself and not particularly want to see the girls but she would have to tell them- they were still senshi and it was their duty if not to her then the world itself to protect it from the dark forces that came from the evil woman.

Her dark thoughts were suddenly cut short as the door opened and she tilted her head upwards so she could look at the person before giving a small smile. "Hey," She commented before she slowly slid of the bed, pulling the duffel bag off at the same time. Her father gave her a smile back (although slightly larger) and held the door open for her, allowing her to almost run out of the room she had been stuck in for over three months.

"Ready to go home then?" He asked in amusement, not even realising that the only thing she was looking forward to was getting away from the white walls and disinfectant smell of the hospital. She was also incredibly happy to get away from the place that housed that vile woman- she had been plaguing her thoughts for the last few days, taunting her at every moment knowing that Usagi could do nothing about it. Yes. She was very glad to get out of this prison- so much so that she was willing to go back home to the lie that her mother had decided to believe. Suddenly realising that her father was still waiting for her to answer she gave a small nod and another smile.

"Yup, can we go already?" Her agitation was now obvious and he ushered her own, not allowing her to see the frown that marred his face. He knew that she had wanted to get out of this place ever since she had woken up but he had never really thought about how much. How was he to know about what had been happening within these walls? As far as he could tell it was because she had always been a very outgoing person who had always liked going outside and doing things with friends.....but now she had been stuck inside for months so it was only natural for her to want to get out. He had no idea about the threat that hung over her head, or the thoughts that spoiled her mind about what she was going to do about it, had no idea that Usagi being Usagi would try and stop a mad woman from taking over the world on her own not wanting to get the others involved.

"Sure, let's go fill out the rest of the paperwork and then we'll get going. I promised your mother I would pick up some ingredients for pancakes on the way home," Normally the thought of pancakes would have set her drooling and begging for them to get a move on but now she just wrinkled her nose up as she followed him down the corridor. The thought of food repulsed her these days. She had been on a drip whilst in her coma and even before she had been stuck in her white room she had stopped eating nearly as much as she had used to- and as a Lunarian and a senshi the lack of nutrients had helped her on her quest to die. She would never admit that of course- she didn't want people to know that by not eating she had been not only damaging her physical strength but also her mental health. It wasn't her fault that she had been an alien in one of her past lives and that had come back in full force when she had received her birth right. Usagi was still the princess, no matter how much she hadn't wanted it at the time and with that came all sorts of problems and responsibilities. Along with her birthright and powers she had inherited the bad things as well- she needed to eat more than the regular human since she had suddenly been affected by the intense gravity of Earth and she had to eat more to compensate for the extra activities. Of course the sleep thing spoke for itself- if people hadn't noticed a lot of the attacks were during the night and so she lost much of her sleep which those on the outside considered laziness.

As they approached the desk where a smiling nurse was waiting with a clipboard filled with paperwork, Usagi happened to turn and lean on the desk so that she was facing down the hall and froze. At the opposite end of the hall, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face was 'Dr Valentine'. A look of panic flitted over Usagi's face before she jerked her head to look at her father. She didn't want to look at the woman...didn't want to acknowledge the fact that she was there because if she admitted that then she would have to admit that it hadn't been some sort of horrible nightmare. She didn't want to give anything away to her father either...as a human he would only get in the way if something happened and she couldn't bear with that guilt on top of everything else she was already feeling at the moment. She turned her head slightly so she could look back down the hallway from beneath her hair only to be confronted with nothing- Valentine was gone, hidden away in the building somewhere, more than likely draining some poor victims of their life energy. She shuddered once again and silently pleaded her father to hurry up with the papers.

"There we go, all done," Kenji turned to his daughter and placed a hand softly onto her shoulder signalling that they could leave. "Let's get you home." He missed the look of complete and utter relief that came into her eyes as he said those words and he was rewarded only with a nod and another small smile.

It didn't take long to get home, not even when they pulled into the store to get the ingredients for the promised pancakes, and once they pulled into the driveway they were welcomed by both Shingo and Ikuko. Usagi grimaced as she climbed out of the car and had to pull away as she was swept up into arms without warning- leaving her mother with a slightly affronted look on her face as she did so. She felt slightly guilty as she did so (again, something to be guilty about) but decided that in the end she just needed a little time. She didn't want to live a lie like her mother seemed to be living but she also knew that to keep the peace she would have to, not for her sanity but for her mother's.

Ikuko recovered quickly and decided to take the bag off her daughter instead, plastering a smile over her face as she did so. "It's so good having you home again and not in that horrible white building, I'm glad your home darling," She pulled Usagi along and into the house, her husband and son following behind.

"Yeah 'Sagi!" Shingo came up behind her and gave her a grin- this one a lot more convincing than his mother's- "I got a new game, do you want to play with me?"

Usagi thought about it for a moment before nodding her head slowly. "Sure," She looked at her mother who still held her bag before looking back to her brother, "Lead the way brat." Her brother only snorted and headed the way up the stairs to his room, his sister following behind albeit a little slowly.

Ikuko watched her children walk up the stairs before she turned to her husband, a smile placed firmly on her lips. "I'm so glad she's home! I've made sure that the sheets were all clean and that everything is exactly where she likes it." Kenji said nothing; he knew that his wife couldn't bear to think of what could have happened to their little girl, she wanted to live a lie instead of facing reality. He knew that living such a thing was never going to be a good thing- living a lie would only turn and backfire at some point...he just hoped it was sooner rather than later. He couldn't bear to see any of his family living behind something that was not the truth. "Now, to make those pancakes." He watched her turn and wander off into the kitchen before he himself turned into the sitting room to sit down and bury his head in his hands.

Shingo and Usagi entered the boy's room and Usagi looked around her with an almost fond smile. It was almost the same as ever- a great mess with clothes strewn around over nearly every available surface. It would have been laughable if she hadn't already known it was going to be there. She was glad that at least this had not changed, that her brother was still and always would be her lovable annoying brat of a brother and she was grateful that he hadn't changed anything for her sake. She would have loathed him if he had changed anything at all.

She watched as he set up the games console, turned the TV on and caught the remote as he tossed it to her before she pushed aside a great pile of what she assumed were clean clothes and perched onto the end of the bed.

"I'm gonna beat you you know...I've been playing this for the last week almost nonstop," He grinned at her and she scowled at him slightly, instantly relaxing her position as she got settled and he couldn't help but be inwardly dancing at the site. He had been warned by his father that for a while she might not get on well back at the house and that she might even keep pulling herself away from the family but now that she was here and sitting beside him he couldn't help but be glad that she was turning herself around and proving them wrong. Maybe she wanted to get better and this was her way of saying that she wasn't going to give up now, not after the last time....but then again, perhaps she was only doing this in order to learn how to live before she went off and did something silly again. Never mind, it didn't matter right now. Right now he had a video game to win!

It didn't take long for the food to be cooked, and it took even less time for it to be eaten (although not by Usagi since she had barely touched her plate). Once she had finished picking at the single pancake that had been in front of her for more than five minutes Usagi finally stood up and silently put her plate into the sink before she disappeared upstairs to her room, her family watching as she did so. Her mother frowned slightly but said nothing deciding to put it down to having eaten hospital food, her father knew of course that it was more than likely to do with the fact that she still wasn't eating as much as she ought to- he had been warned of it before he had left the hospital with her earlier that day but he had yet to try and bring it up with his wife knowing full well that she wasn't going to listen to him...his wife was so far into her denial he wasn't entirely sure she would ever listen to what he had to say about their daughter's mental and physical health and so all he could do for now was pray that she would get better through the help of those girls.

Usagi herself had finished climbing the stairs and was now pushing her bedroom door open ever so slowly, images of memories floating before her eyes which she blinked away, shaking her head as she did so. Now was not the time to be thinking of such things...she needed to figure out what she was going to do with herself now that she was out of the hospital and back into the real world. She paused and looked around her as she entered her room, closing the door behind her as she leant back onto it. It was the same! Everything was the same! Nothing had been changed in over three months (except for one or two things of course). Moving a step further into the room she paused again, hesitating as she tried to decide what she was going to do- she could either go back into her brother's room and continue on that game (she had been losing but only just) or she could stay in here and try and block out all of the painful memories that just didn't want to leave her alone. Finally she decided that she might as well do something with herself and moved over to the bed. Lifting the duvet up slightly she fingered the material for a moment or two, savouring the softness that she hadn't had in the room she had been in before she dropped it.

Stepping back once again she narrowed her eyes and then gripped the offending item and tore it from her bed, flinging stuffed animals and pillows around as she did so. Why was it the same? Why?! Angry tears prickled at her eyes and she angrily brushed them away with a fist before she moved to tear the duvet cover off the actual duvet itself before flinging it outside her room- closely followed by the stuffed animals and other memorabilia she had collected over the years.

After about ten minutes of angry throwing she stopped herself from destroying anything else and looked around her, her chest heaving as she did so. The room was still pink but at least now it didn't have most of the things from her past. She wanted to forget about it all, she didn't want to remember about those days...thinking about it meant she had to relive the nightmare of her life before the 'accident' and that meant having to relive every horrible comment and the pain that each had brought to her. She couldn't...no, wouldn't...think of those things anymore. She would move on with her life and she would make sure that this time she didn't give up. Oh it was going to be hard, she had no doubts about that but she would make it work. This time there was something worth fighting for and she had to make sure that she was strong enough to fight because this enemy wasn't one she could just brush under the carpet- no matter how much she wished she could.

Moving once again to the bed she sat down onto the mattress and pulled the coverless duvet up onto it as she did so, wrapping it around her as if using it to protect her from the outside world. Slowly she turned her head to the side and looked at the bedside table that held a small drawer. Her fingers itched to open it but everything else about her was screaming not to...opening that door would mean she was accepting something she had sworn she would never do ever again. Opening that door meant she would have to face something she had hoped she would never have to see again. Swallowing her fear she reached over and pulled the wooden drawer open and dipped her hand inside, pushing it underneath a few papers before her fingers clasped what she was after. Pulling it out she pulled her hand towards her and cradled it with the other, looking down at it with a mixed expression. She had missed the warmth the locket had provided her but at the same time she also knew that as soon as she accepted it back into her life again she would never be able to just live...she would always be bound to a fate and destiny she had never wanted.

She bit her lip and covered the locket with her hand, blocking it from view before standing up and moving to the window seat where she sat instead, keeping the duvet wrapped around her tightly. She couldn't do this but she had to. If she wanted to keep the people she loved safe then she had to do this. She paused again. The people she loved...she closed her eyes tightly, wishing she didn't have to think about any of this.

"I hate you," she whispered harshly to the locket as she uncovered it once again. She couldn't love this item but at the same time she knew her words were fake...like she already knew, she could never hate something no matter how much she wanted to (Beryl did not count). "But I don't have a choice..." Looking out of the window she made her choice and stood up, throwing the duvet back onto her bed before locking the bedroom door and then opening the window she clambered out, jumping over to the tree that was ever so conveniently next to her room and then to the ground.

Looking to her house as she walked away she bit her lip before shaking her head once more. She needed to do had to prove to herself that could do this, not only to her herself but to those around her. Bringing the broach back up she held it into the air and whispered the words that would change her life once again.

Across the city several people seemed to lift their heads at once as something familiar flooded into their systems and unknowing what it was they ignored it.

An hour later a journalist was running back to his studio, a headline story ready to roll out onto the sets of people across Tokyo.

Another half hour later and the news flash was showing everywhere.

"_Breaking news!_

_The legendary Sailor Senshi have been well known to us all but until recently no one has known where the leader of this group of fighters had disappeared to. Tonight we have proof that she had returned. I repeat. Sailor Moon has reappeared and is back in action!"_

Those watching the news were watching with mixed reactions and this time there was no doubting what that feeling had been from earlier. As they watched the young woman fight the youma alone it was with mixed emotions- some smiled, some stared and some cried. But on the lips of every one of them was one word. One name.

"Usagi."


End file.
